The Glass Bottle

The Glass Bottle

Self Entitled

1969 or 1970

**

The First Album we are going to look at is The Glass Bottle’s Self entitled album. This was part of the original bulk of purchases made at the record exchange. Two things immediately drew me to purchase this album the first was this guy

This guy seemed way too enthusiastic. I know that there was a LOT of drugs floating around in this Sixties, and this guy appeared to have had more than his fare share. His total and devoted enthusiasm drew me in but it was this guy who sold me.

This is a truly epic hairdo. Any man who can sport this combination of fro and mutton chops deserves mass amounts of kudos and attention, let alone a white guy who does it while wearing a purple suit which sports a belt buckle so big it doubles as a picture window. Now you may have noticed the black guy on the cover who looks cross-eyed.

At first I was all ready to use this as proof of a lack of production and how this was bottom of the barrel stuff, then I looked at the back cover.

Yup still cross eyed. I’m not a cruel man it looks like this guy had a serious issue and I’m not the kind of bastard to make fun of him for it. Who knows what famous people today would look cross eyed if not for Photoshop and or sunglasses.

Then again maybe it was the drugs.

A quick transfer from vinyl to MP3 later and I start listening. Its go time last chance to back out. Do I dare let this loose on an unsuspecting world. Yes I do dare!

1.) Sorry Suzanne ***

Track one is an up tempo pop track named Sorry Suzanne. There is something immediately likable about this song, I’m immediately suspicious, because this song just seems a little too familiar. I listen to a lot of oldies stations growing up and maybe this got played before but this song really sticks out in my head. Musically the song sounds a lot like The Foundations or Spiral Staircase Calls mixed with a little bit of the Fifth Dimensions harmony parts. The Song is inoffensive teetering on bland, but somehow still manages to be somewhat catchy. Then it hit me it’s a Hollies cover. I have heard this song! You almost had me Glass Bottle, you almost had me. To me the opening track is the most important on the album, it’s your first impression. Opening with an album with a cover that whitewashes everything likable about the original is a bad move. The song sounds like such a homogenized bled of its influences it makes no identity of its own. Still There is nothing truly to dislike about the Song so ***

2.) Pretty Thing **

The Second track is a highly orchestrated ballad titled Pretty Thing. The song seems to be a tale of unrequited or perhaps over-requited love. It opens with some unusually worded lyrics, “ I’m capable of granting what you ask of me, but I do not wish to have it on my mind. I cannot take or make responsibility least not that kind.” I’m a big fan of good lines and this is a powerful line. The band doesn’t get much credit for this though because from what I can gather they did not right their own lyrics. A quick post listen Google search yielded no clues as to who the song writers were, but this song was obviously the work of a mature lyricist. The immediate problem that this album suffers from becomes immediately evident. Lead singer Gary Criss has a sweet and melodic voice but it is incredibly weak. This is not necessarily a bad thing but most of the songs were accompanied by completely overwrought bombastic arrangements and he completely gets lost in the mix. Imagine the Righteous Brothers fronted by David Crosbie and you get close to what I’m hearing here. It’s a good voice just not the right voice. The song is so sentimental though I have to give it a ** this is pretty painful.

3.) Honey Do *** ½

One of the better tracks on the album, a total throwaway pop gem. Seriously flawed but a gem nonetheless. The biggest failure is the obviously co-opted riff from Devil with A Blue Dress. The high points of the song are the bongo work and the ridiculous but amazing back up singing. I’m no A&R man, but I for one heard a single. The song calls up some off the best points of tantalizing sixties bubble gum. If not for the ripped off rift this would get four stars as is a solid *** ½

4.) Red River Sal ****

Red River Sal is kind of a odd duck for this album. Lead singer Gary Criss takes a back seat for this proto funk metal jam. I don’t know which person is Dennis Dees, but I like to think it was this guy!

Wah-wah peddle, a guitar solo and not one violin in sight! My feelings about the glass bottle were starting to look up. This song reminds me a lot of Rare Earth or the funkier tracks of Jimi Hendrix (granted without his superior guitar skills). The lead singer does a Spot on John Fogerty impersonation. In a lot of ways though this song reminds me of Helter Skelter (both have similar back up singing parts, but in the end the song doesn’t live up to those comparisons. Still good track **** on its own as a single song but so different from the rest of the album it’s not even funny.

5.) Velvet *

Remember when I said my view of the Glass Bottle was looking up? I take that back as this track single handedly destroys any hope for this album. The Phil Spector-Fifth Dimension wannabe is back with a vengeance. This song was so saccharine and awful that I really thought about giving up not just this album but the entire project as a whole, moving to Tulsa and starting and emu farm.

I took affirmation in my rule of in for a penny in for a pound and said to myself it can’t get much worse!

6.) Love for Living 0 stars

I was wrong! Excessive vibrato on singers voice? Check. Mention of dying in the chorus? Check. Redundantly silly title? Double Check. Remember the episode of the Simpsons that was like Behind the Music. One of the titles for a ridiculously bad fake song was “Lovely to Love Your Loving” this is almost that bad. “Love For Living”, for crying out loud! Once again let’s take every sad song with a full orchestral backing cut away the good part and throw them in a blender. I’m not against this kind of song (in fact I love when a strong singer like Harry Nilsson or Tina Turner does it), but this is just oatmeal. Bland, plain, stale, oatmeal! I need some cheering up.

Ah much better!

7.) Wonderwheel ** ½

I’m kind of torn about Wonderwheel. After listening to the last two songs I think anything may sound better so it was really hard to remain objective. Then again from the back cover I find that that this track was featured in the film , The People Next Door. I can’t help but think that these sessions had a different producer. We have another ballad but this one is not nearly as over the top as the previous ones. The orchestra is still there but the production is more sedate and sparse, almost fugue like. Whereas the previous ballads are more Phil Spector this is more George Martin and the arrangement helps Gary’s Voice a lot. ** ½ stars almost three but I knocked it down cause I thought I overrated it do to proximity.

8.) The First Time *

This song opening invokes a Broadway song and it makes me realize another problem I have with the album. The Bi-racial harmonies and over the top dramatics coupled with the over orchestration lends the album as a whole (with exception of tracks three and four) the aura of a bad late nineteen sixties “rock” musical. It feels like this album was made after group of talented but uninspired performers watched, Hair and decided to try their hand at it. This song is once again bad not as bad as “Velvet” or “Love for Living” but still no higher than a *.

9.) Make Me a Woman *

Entering the home stretch here with the spiritual and physical successor to “The First Time”, “Make me a Woman”. No this song isn’t about Ed Wood’s quest for feminization, it’s a desperate plea from singer Carol Denmark for someone to give her a nice piece of tail. The infamous wall of sound is back in this song that sounds like a bad Janis Joplin Cover band, and not the way that Melissa Etheridge sounds like a bad Janis Joplin Cover band either. Blues guitars and a breathy female singer begging to get laid do not require a sweeping string section. Granted it’s not as overbearing as on some tracks but here it seems totally inappropriate.

10.) Boys in the Band **

Boys in the Band seems like the song that would be played next to last in a live show to introduce the backing band, “… and on lead guitar Glen Dibbley”. This is aLand of a "Thousand Dances" style Sing-Along song, with few but often repeated lyrics. 90% of consist of “ How ‘bout a little hand, for the Boys in the band” mingled with instructions on how to let them know you like them. I can’t help but think the black guy wrote this after Gary complained that audience weren’t sure how to applaud, cause they were just silent after “ Love for Living”. Maybe it worked?

Maybe that’s why he is smiling, then again maybe it’s the drugs.

Conclusion

With two surprisingly strong songs I feared this one could be a little tilted. It wouldn’t look good if my methodology was busted on the first outing, thankfully it all worked out. With my patent pending time weighted scoring system the album came up with ** stars. Forgotten for a reason because on the whole it stinks. As with all of these features, afterwords I do a little searching to find out if the album is as forgotten as I think it is and with this one my vetting was spot on. A goggle search yielded very few results for the band. They have a Wikipedia page that looks copied from all music guide. It states that they had a, “song about bitterness and heartbreak”, called "I Ain't Got Time Anymore" that barely cracked the top 40 (#39) in 1971. This album had no date but using the movie title listed on the album, I was able to place it as 1969 or 1970, so this is probably their self entitled debut. I’m surprised they got a second chance.