Wednesday, January 14, 2009
A Desperate Plea
The Glass Bottle
The Glass Bottle
Self Entitled
1969 or 1970
**
The First Album we are going to look at is The Glass Bottle’s Self entitled album. This was part of the original bulk of purchases made at the record exchange. Two things immediately drew me to purchase this album the first was this guy
This guy seemed way too enthusiastic. I know that there was a LOT of drugs floating around in this Sixties, and this guy appeared to have had more than his fare share. His total and devoted enthusiasm drew me in but it was this guy who sold me.
This is a truly epic hairdo. Any man who can sport this combination of fro and mutton chops deserves mass amounts of kudos and attention, let alone a white guy who does it while wearing a purple suit which sports a belt buckle so big it doubles as a picture window. Now you may have noticed the black guy on the cover who looks cross-eyed.
At first I was all ready to use this as proof of a lack of production and how this was bottom of the barrel stuff, then I looked at the back cover.
Yup still cross eyed. I’m not a cruel man it looks like this guy had a serious issue and I’m not the kind of bastard to make fun of him for it. Who knows what famous people today would look cross eyed if not for Photoshop and or sunglasses.
Then again maybe it was the drugs.
A quick transfer from vinyl to MP3 later and I start listening. Its go time last chance to back out. Do I dare let this loose on an unsuspecting world. Yes I do dare!
1.) Sorry Suzanne ***
Track one is an up tempo pop track named Sorry Suzanne. There is something immediately likable about this song, I’m immediately suspicious, because this song just seems a little too familiar. I listen to a lot of oldies stations growing up and maybe this got played before but this song really sticks out in my head. Musically the song sounds a lot like The Foundations or Spiral Staircase Calls mixed with a little bit of the Fifth Dimensions harmony parts. The Song is inoffensive teetering on bland, but somehow still manages to be somewhat catchy. Then it hit me it’s a Hollies cover. I have heard this song! You almost had me Glass Bottle, you almost had me. To me the opening track is the most important on the album, it’s your first impression. Opening with an album with a cover that whitewashes everything likable about the original is a bad move. The song sounds like such a homogenized bled of its influences it makes no identity of its own. Still There is nothing truly to dislike about the Song so ***
2.) Pretty Thing **
The Second track is a highly orchestrated ballad titled Pretty Thing. The song seems to be a tale of unrequited or perhaps over-requited love. It opens with some unusually worded lyrics, “ I’m capable of granting what you ask of me, but I do not wish to have it on my mind. I cannot take or make responsibility least not that kind.” I’m a big fan of good lines and this is a powerful line. The band doesn’t get much credit for this though because from what I can gather they did not right their own lyrics. A quick post listen Google search yielded no clues as to who the song writers were, but this song was obviously the work of a mature lyricist. The immediate problem that this album suffers from becomes immediately evident. Lead singer Gary Criss has a sweet and melodic voice but it is incredibly weak. This is not necessarily a bad thing but most of the songs were accompanied by completely overwrought bombastic arrangements and he completely gets lost in the mix. Imagine the Righteous Brothers fronted by David Crosbie and you get close to what I’m hearing here. It’s a good voice just not the right voice. The song is so sentimental though I have to give it a ** this is pretty painful.
3.) Honey Do *** ½
One of the better tracks on the album, a total throwaway pop gem. Seriously flawed but a gem nonetheless. The biggest failure is the obviously co-opted riff from Devil with A Blue Dress. The high points of the song are the bongo work and the ridiculous but amazing back up singing. I’m no A&R man, but I for one heard a single. The song calls up some off the best points of tantalizing sixties bubble gum. If not for the ripped off rift this would get four stars as is a solid *** ½
4.) Red River Sal ****
Red River Sal is kind of a odd duck for this album. Lead singer Gary Criss takes a back seat for this proto funk metal jam. I don’t know which person
Wah-wah peddle, a guitar solo and not one violin in sight! My feelings about the glass bottle were starting to look up. This song reminds me a lot of Rare Earth or the funkier tracks of Jimi Hendrix (granted without his superior guitar skills). The lead singer does a Spot on John Fogerty impersonation. In a lot of ways though this song reminds me of Helter Skelter (both have similar back up singing parts, but in the end the song doesn’t live up to those comparisons. Still good track **** on its own as a single song but so different from the rest of the album it’s not even funny.
5.) Velvet *
Remember when I said my view of the Glass Bottle was looking up? I take that back as this track single handedly destroys any hope for this album. The Phil Spector-Fifth Dimension wannabe is back with a vengeance. This song was so saccharine and awful that I really thought about giving up not just this album but the entire project as a whole, moving to Tulsa and starting and emu farm.
I took affirmation in my rule of in for a penny in for a pound and said to myself it can’t get much worse!
6.) Love for Living 0 stars
I was wrong! Excessive vibrato on singers voice? Check. Mention of dying in the chorus? Check. Redundantly silly title? Double Check. Remember the episode of the Simpsons that was like Behind the Music. One of the titles for a ridiculously bad fake song was “Lovely to Love Your Loving” this is almost that bad. “Love For Living”, for crying out loud! Once again let’s take every sad song with a full orchestral backing cut away the good part and throw them in a blender. I’m not against this kind of song (in fact I love when a strong singer like Harry Nilsson or Tina Turner does it), but this is just oatmeal. Bland, plain, stale, oatmeal! I need some cheering up.
Ah much better!
7.) Wonderwheel ** ½
I’m kind of torn about Wonderwheel. After listening to the last two songs I think anything may sound better so it was really hard to remain objective. Then again from the back cover I find that that this track was featured in the film , The People Next Door. I can’t help but think that these sessions had a different producer. We have another ballad but this one is not nearly as over the top as the previous ones. The orchestra is still there but the production is more sedate and sparse, almost fugue like. Whereas the previous ballads are more Phil Spector this is more George Martin and the arrangement helps Gary’s Voice a lot. ** ½ stars almost three but I knocked it down cause I thought I overrated it do to proximity.
8.) The First Time *
This song opening invokes a Broadway song and it makes me realize another problem I have with the album. The Bi-racial harmonies and over the top dramatics coupled with the over orchestration lends the album as a whole (with exception of tracks three and four) the aura of a bad late nineteen sixties “rock” musical. It feels like this album was made after group of talented but uninspired performers watched, Hair and decided to try their hand at it. This song is once again bad not as bad as “Velvet” or “Love for Living” but still no higher than a *.
9.) Make Me a Woman *
Entering the home stretch here with the spiritual and physical successor to “The First Time”, “Make me a Woman”. No this song isn’t about Ed Wood’s quest for feminization, it’s a desperate plea from singer Carol Denmark
10.) Boys in the Band **
Boys in the Band seems like the song that would be played next to last in a live show to introduce the backing band, “… and on lead guitar Glen Dibbley”. This is aLand of a "Thousand Dances" style Sing-Along song, with few but often repeated lyrics. 90% of consist of “ How ‘bout a little hand, for the Boys in the band” mingled with instructions on how to let them know you like them. I can’t help but think the black guy wrote this after Gary complained that audience weren’t sure how to applaud, cause they were just silent after “ Love for Living”. Maybe it worked?
Maybe that’s why he is smiling, then again maybe it’s the drugs.
Conclusion
With two surprisingly strong songs I feared this one could be a little tilted. It wouldn’t look good if my methodology was busted on the first outing, thankfully it all worked out. With my patent pending time weighted scoring system the album came up with ** stars. Forgotten for a reason because on the whole it stinks. As with all of these features, afterwords I do a little searching to find out if the album is as forgotten as I think it is and with this one my vetting was spot on. A goggle search yielded very few results for the band. They have a Wikipedia page that looks copied from all music guide. It states that they had a, “song about bitterness and heartbreak”, called "I Ain't Got Time Anymore" that barely cracked the top 40 (#39) in 1971. This album had no date but using the movie title listed on the album, I was able to place it as 1969 or 1970, so this is probably their self entitled debut. I’m surprised they got a second chance.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
In The Beginning...
This weekend I was at the cavernous Record Exchange on Hampton Ave. In St. Louis. If you are a music fan you owe it to yourself to make a trip there some time. Nestled in a former City Library, the store is over stuffed with music and movies. The store kind of specializes in out molded formats, as they have a large selection of Vinyl, VHS, and Laserdisc. Record Exchange is literally packed to the rafters with product. To my delight they have a huge selection of dollar records. I have often used this to fill in holes in my mainstream rock records collection as it is a cheap way to get quality records and every once in a while i pick up something becasue of a unique cover.
This weekend I was pouring over the bins, when Joe (who along with Otan was with me in STL), walked by. I showed him one practically disastrous album cover and Joe said “ You Should get it see if you can listen all the way through and write a blog about it. By the time I left the store I had a plan for a whole series of blogs, not to mention a set of ground rules and of course cannon fodder for me to listen to.
First the rules.
1.) I MUST NOT KNOW THE ALBUM OR THE ARTIST
I have a pretty big musical knowledge so if I don’t know what I am getting into I can assume one of three things, a.) the music never was a hit and very few people ever heard it. b.) It was a minor hit and the artist never followed it up and thus they have re-entered obscurity. Or c.) It was a popular artist in a sub genera of music that had or has since gained a cult following. The kind of thing that someone may go “Oh My God they are this amazing French progressive band” but 99.9 % of us will go “WHO?” There are some corollary’s to this rule.
1-A.) The Otan Corollary
Due to the number of obscure bands that Otan has mentioned or told me about I’m allowed to listen to any band that I know the name of but have never heard their music provided on two conditions. One I never knowingly heard their music and two if I mention the band to the average person they have no clue who I am talking to.
1-B.) The Attila Corollary
Before he was famous Billy Joel put out an album with the Band Attila it was organ driven Metal. Needless to say it was vastly different than the rest of his body of work. I’m entitled to listen to an artist I know only if the only knowledge I have of the album is that it is so different than the rest of their work that it might as well be a different band. Also this applies to artist who were previously famous with another project but went on to do one is completely under the radar.
1-C.) The Lemmon Pipers Corollary
If a band released a one well known hit single followed it up with an album that flopped, I’m allowed to Judge the album, but the single is removed from the albums judgment ( I will do a scoreless review of that song). I’m stating this corollary now but this is mainly held in reserve. I’m going to attempt not to use this as I think it detracts from the project but I can see needing to activate it when material gets thin.
1-D.) The Follow Up Corollary
If I have previously reviewed a bands work and I Happen to track down a follow up or previous album I can at my own judgment give them a whirl again.
2.) I COME FOR THE ROCK
What I find on the cover has to lead me to believe that this was a popular music contender when it was released. Pop, funk, rock, metal, ETC. That’s not to say I won’t get a Jazz album, or a gospel record, or hell even classical Peruvian Banjo. What it means if that the material on the cover alone leads me to believe it is at least an attempt at “Rock and Roll”
3.) IN FOR A PENNY, IN FOR A POUND!
Once I start listening I have to make it through the album and finish the review, or die trying.
4.) SPIN THE BLACK CIRCLE
The record has to come on a 33 and 1/3 and from what’s judged on by the cover, date back to the first age of vinyl. Roughly from from 1953 to 1989. Someone may send me a indie band from 2002 on vinyl and it may slip in because it looks old. But every attempt will be made to make sure this is all vintage. If it slips through the vetting process, however rule 3 overrides this one. Once the needle hits the wax I’m committed.
5.) I DON”T FIND RECORD, THE RECORDS FIND ME!
I will not go and seek out an obscure album that comes recommended and review it. There are only two methods for a record to show up in this blog. One I find it in a bargain bin at a record shop or at a thrift store or two a friend or reader gives it to me.
5-A.) The Shut-In Corollary
Another corollary that I plan on not using unless it’s an emergency. I am allowed to buy a record based on cover alone off of EBay or other web sites, but only if the price paid would put it in the bargain bin category. This is mainly just to help protect against dry spells.
6.) THE METHOD TO THE MADNESS
I will use a per song rating noted in the track by track review with a maximum rating of five stars Each track is weighted in the final review by roughly the percent of album it takes up. If side two is a twenty minute long opus that bores me to tears and get 1 star but side one is four five minute tracks that blow me away and gets 5 stars each the album as a whole would get 3 stars.
Scale
***** = Song (Album) is a true hidden masterpiece. This should get a serious critical evaluation.
**** = Song (Album) Should have been a Hit
*** = Song (Album) Is competent for what it is. Mediocre is not inherently a bad thing
** = Some Times there is a reason for Obscurity, this song (album) is an example.
* = Jon Tesh, Yanni, and Zamfir feel band for the guys who did this Song (album)!
0! = Horrendously bad, this Song (album) needs a U.N. resolution banning it !
So there you have it. Tomorrow ill post the first review, The Glass Bottle provided I get some pictures of the cover and a host for some MP3’s
